Who am I?
New mom= emotional and amazed at everything
Combat Veteran= potty mouth
Entrepreneur= mind is saying HUSTLE constantly
Military Spouse= sick of the gov shit
Culinary Student= foodie
WELCOME!
January, 2023
Freedom
Such a powerful word.
Don’t worry I’m not gonna talk about my time in the military, the correctional system flaws, or discuss my thoughts on the injustice of slave trade.
Freedom, for me, has morphed from a topic of physical expectation to a mental necessity in the past decade or so. Finding mental freedom has been a tougher road for me thus far but the happiness associated with the freedom I have found has surpassed and lasted longer than any physical freedom I have ever had.
I recently started reading The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings. I’m not even half way through and I find myself using the words and practices daily. I have always been an emotional being. I never thought about harnessing that emotion. I had come to the conclusion that its how I am wired.
Nope.
Not true at all.
I have taken my most stressful moments – which I have come to realize happens when I am not in the present moment. For instance :
This morning, my son woke up at 5am so I decided OK I’ll do yoga but my son continues to fuss where ever he is placed. The $90 swing, the $200 stroller/car seat, the $60 walker with all the bells and whistles.
Nothing.
I can feel myself starting to boil – simmer – I’m simmering at this moment. He woke me up to be up, now we’re up, and I’m trying to be productive and move this morning. I’m all set- I have Youtube on, my mat is laid out, but NOPE! {All I’m thinking about is the future. Doing yoga is on my mind and that is it. }
So, I pick my son up and I breathe. I acknowledge my frustration and truly look at him. I see his eyelids blink heavily. He is so tired he can barely keep his eyes open. It takes me 3 minutes to walk with him and he is OUT. I laid him down gave him a kiss and finished Yoga With Adriene.
Before I started reading The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings that exact situation ended up with me crying for 2 hours, getting angry with everything and everyone who was in my life and not in my life. It was like a snow storm. One little flake turned into this massive blizzard that I couldn’t see through.
Now, I’m able to feel my body react and embrace it, breathe, stay in the moment, problem solve rationally and then the urge to outwardly react surprisingly just trickles away. Now, that’s freedom.
April, 2022
Female
Alright, just do it. You got this.
I’m blogging now, everyone.
Let’s talk about one of my favorite F*Words : Female.
Recent headlines have discussed the taboo subject of the definition of a word that has been socially connected to the word female for generations.
Word: Woman
My definition- A human being that embodies feminine energy.
A woman can be male or female in the sense that all the drag queens in the world embody more feminine energy than me on my girliest day. In the same sense, I am more man than a lot of the males I know.
So, if you want me to call you a woman and you just so happen to be born a male. OK, I’ll call you a woman.
But lets get something straight. Don’t you ever try to compare yourself to a female.
Let’s jump back a decade.
When I was deployed with the infantry as the Female Engagement Team (FET) I was embarrassed and annoyed, to say the least, of their constant over protection outside the wire and special security taken on my behalf. I was trying my damnedest to have these guys take me seriously and here I am having them do extra work because what’s between my legs. What made my life more important than my battles’ lives? It took me months for them to treat me as an equal and see how good of a soldier I was.
Now, as a mother of one and one on the way… I say –
“No-shit I get extra security! I should have 4 at all times. I make fucking human beings, bitch!”
My entire body forms to create, protect, feed this walking, talking, thinking human being. Then it snaps back and gets ready to do this shit all over again. It is the most amazing thing in the fucking world.
And there I was running in front of bullets and shit without even knowing the full capabilities of my body. Pfff.
Now, I see why males tried to push females down for so long throughout history – females are unstoppable and dangerous beings.
Who’s ever reading this – don’t you ever forget it.